Conversation by Design™
Introduction to Conversation by Design™
Using The Five Daily Conversations to Get Things Done in Organizations
There is a sequence, a repetition and a circularity to The Five Daily Conversations that constitute Conversation by Design™.
By design, sequencing begins with Connection Conversations. But in the current common practice of organizations sequencing usually begins with Decision Conversations. Therein lies a key reason why results aren’t always what we hoped they might be and why exceeded expectations are sometimes a
surprise.
à
Conversations are also continued
and repeated. Recall in the 70's and
80"s how Japanese business men
politely insisted on revisiting
conversations over saki and
exchange of gifts before they were ready to engage decisions and make commitments with their Western counterparts. It took a while for the Westerners to catch on but by the third or fourth trip, they did.
And,conversations are circular. When, for example a Decision Conversation or a Delivery Conversation is not going well, it is often an indication that the right conversation is not occurring and there is likely a need to circle back to a Connection Conversation or an Opportunity Conversation.
Here’s an expanded description of The Five Daily Conversations. We recommend you review Decision Conversations (3) first since it will likely be the most familiar. However, they are presented here in their appropriately sequenced order.
(1) Connection Conversation
In order to understand the importance of Connection Conversations, it is helpful to have Decision Conversations (3) clearly in mind
first.
Today Connection Conversations happen inconsistently and infrequently in organizations. They don’t fit into the norms of
many organizations where presenting one’s right brain, logical/rational self but not one’s left brain, emotive self is the expectation. The
historical experience in organizations makes things more black and white, less gray; rational/logical, not emotive. But it's just not realistic
today. We understand more about motivation, how the brain works to integrate left and right experiences, and there is an emerging
recognition that leveraging both sides can be an asset to the organization, not a liability.
Still we don’t even think of Connection Conversations. We think about and engage Decision Conversations first, by habit and
experience. But while the recent research demonstrates how the “hard-wiring” of our brains contributes to this practice, it also shows that
the brain loves to learn and “hard wires” new practices very rapidly, if we give it a chance. This creates the entry for Connection Conversations
if we give them a try. Here’s why it is worth the effort.
Connection Conversations connect people who need to collaborate using a method of Five Levels of Inquiry. The conversation is not
focused primarily on the work to be done, but rather on the depth and quality of the relationship(s) between the people who need to
collaborate. In any such endeavor we call this the beneficiary/benefactor relationship. Connection Conversations tap the full resources that
both the beneficiary and the benefactor can bring without compromising their private selfves Connection Conversations open the door to
rapport and ignite trust building between beneficiary and benefactor. And Connection Conversations create a platform for increasing the
the likelihood of exceeding expectations.
We don’t know what we don’t know. So mostly we don’t know to do this today and partly, even if we know, it goes against that grain of the
norm. But these two challenges can be overcome when the focus of intention and action is to learn, practice and strengthen personal capabilities and
organizational competencies, rather than to first blame individual vulnerabilities and static, counter-productive organizational practices.
(2) Opportunity Conversation
Some people think Opportunity Conversations are the most fun of The Five Daily Conversations. Fun? How did
we miss that? Let’s have more of that! Fun because Opportunity Conversations are often freewheeling,
creative juices flow, people become energized. Remember brainstorming? A close cousin. The objectives of
Opportunity Conversations are:
Ideas generationpicture
No obligations
Finding multiple options
Discovering underlying interests, motivations, ambitions and intentions of both beneficiary and benefactor
Creating rapport and building trust
Ideas generation sparks energy and kindles a possible commitment. Free of explicit or implicit obligation or
commitment, more possible solutions are found and analyzed. Generating multiple options provides the
capability and opportunity to select the best, not the first solution or approach.
Underlying individual interests heavily influence the quality of conversations and the success of any collaborative
initiative. Because Opportunity Conversations do not create obligations or commitments, underlying interests
can be put on the table as acknowledged influencing factors. Creating an opportunity to make them known
builds trust and minimizes surprises at later stages of getting the work done.
Most effective solutions-finding happens in collaborative efforts, rather than the effort of a single individual.
Opportunity Conversations create the possibilities for all of this to happen.
(3) Decision Conversation
By far the most common conversation in organizations, Decision Conversations are intended to move the talk
to action, action that will result in work completed, goals met, objectives accomplished, job well done.
Sometimes this is what happens and sometimes not. We initiate Decision Conversations when we
recognize we need someone(s) else’s help to complete what we have in mind. We also engage Decision
Conversations when someone(s) else asks or requests us to help them.
“Help” is key here. Something needs to be done but can’t be completed by me alone or him/her alone.
We are ready to make the decision(s) to move to action because we want that action to yield the results we
desire. Or someone else needs our help in the same way, for the same reason. These situations define the
beneficiary/benefactor relationship helpful to orienting the adoption and practice of The Five Daily Conversations.
A distinguishing characteristic of Decision Conversations is commitment. Opportunity Conversations are free-
wheeling, ideas generating, even rapport building. But Decision Conversations move the opportunity options to
a plan of action and a plan of action requires making commitments. Both beneficiaries and benefactors have
accountabilility commitments to make, promises to keep. The comprehensiveness of the plan and the
consequent degree of commitments are pivotal to successful implementation. As a friend likes to say “Down to a
gnat’s a- -“.
When we get the results we wanted or expected, we are happy, satisfied, pleased, energized. Sometimes we
even celebrate. When we don’t get the results we wanted or expected, we aren’t happy, we don’t celebrate
and we wonder “why?” The answer to “why?” lies in other conversations, chiefly Connection Conversations and
Opportunity Conversations that need to be revisited and expanded. Sometimes the answer is to circle back and
re-negotiate the Decision Conversation. But the path to these Conversations usually starts with a Delivery
Conversation.
(4) Optimization Conversation
When the benefactor and the beneficiary reach agreements in the Decision Conversations, the work begins with
delivery satisfaction in mind. As the work proceeds Optimization Conversations can occur in which the
beneficiary offers additional resource to optimize successful delivery. The beneficiary might do this for any number of
reasons ranging from concern as the work progresses to discovery of newfound resources that can expedite, to a personal wish to maximize the success for the benefactor, or other reasons.
Often the additional resource provided is coaching, offering perspective and alternate view suggestions or
recommendations. This is especially so where the benefactor/beneficiary relationship is a boss/staff relationship.
Much has been created, written, taught and applied about coaching methods. Choosing the right approach
makes a difference. Coaching that “fits” the organization culture is crucial for optimizing results success.
Coaching chemistry between parties is the second critical ingredient for success at this stage.
(5) Delivery Conversation
Either delivery satisfaction is realized or it isn’t.
When the commitments made in Decision Conversations are fulfilled to the satisfaction of the beneficiary, we
Consider this confirmation a successful Delivery Conversation. Sometimes delivery expectations are exceeded.
Celebration is in order, not just to signify completion but to reinforce goodwill toward the benefactor and promote
additional motivation for future collaborations.
When delivery expectations are not met, there is more work to be done. The substance of these Delivery
Conversations generally takes on two parallel energies. Energy is directed toward salvage and/or new effort
with new agreements and expectations. This can be a five minute Decision Conversation or an extended series
of Decision, Connection, Opportunity and/or Optimization Conversations.
Energy is also directed toward expression of the feelings that attends the current circumstances of dissatisfaction.
Those feelings are likely to be ones of frustration, disappointment, anger, or similar feelings where the reactive,
primal portion of the human brain (the amygdala) takes us.
As the would be beneficiary, we need to make wise choices in the face of our primal responses and the
Pressing moment of the situation. We also need to find the appropriate language to express our choices. That
moment of disappointment is one of the most difficult to navigate without clarity of intention and prior knowledge
and practice in the applicable conversations.